Philly Front Office

It came to my attention that during the World Series people somehow forgot they needed to hate the New York Yankees. What are we doing people? Just in case anyone needs a refresher, definitive lists of the teams we hate will be posted and updated if necessary. If there are any disagreements, please refer to the list. Thank you.

All other lists will be in reverse order, but not the NBA. The hate is just too strong…

1. Philadelphia 76ers – They are a miserable franchise and have been hanging on by a kitten paw of hope for a few years now. Ever since Ben Simmons refused to destroy Trae Young’s hairy lollipop of a head, there has been some kind of excuse keeping us here with some kind of half-hearted reasoning.  The kitten finally let go.  Unlike the Eagles and the Phillies, there is no possible game day satisfaction with this team.  Wondering if Joel Embiid will play every single day is old. Now with the revelation that he is barely putting any effort in, it is enough.  Even wins (remember those?) are just basically place holders (hopefully) allowing us to get into the playoffs, only to tap out the second we face anyone good. From October to April there is only a steady state of subdued dread before we KNOW we are going to fail.* This team is an obligation.  The only upset on this list is that we actually hate ourselves more than Boston.  We really hate Boston too, which is saying something.
2. Boston Celtics – Should we hate them more or less because they always beat us?  It doesn’t even matter considering there is no real competition for this spot.  They beat us historically, they beat us recently, and now they even have a championship to show for it.  They beat us in trades, they beat us in free agents, they draft better than us, and the most annoying is that they turn crap into pots of gold on us all the goddamn time.  You can barely call this one a rivalry because there are just too many Ls to list.  Even worse, they even found the Olympics to cry about and to get motivated for the coming year.  Of all the teams we hate, they are best positioned to keep things as miserable as possible for us for the foreseeable future.
3. New York Knicks? – I really wish this was the team we hated most, kind of like the Mets in baseball.  Life would be so much better to have a normal enemy rather than the super powered Celtics.  I’m almost tempted to leave 3 open and put the Knicks at 4 because I am still hung up on hating Boston and the Sixers and I can’t even get to a goddamn NY team!!!
4. New York Knicks – It’s normally pretty easy to hate a NY team, but that location is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this one.  Do we hate the Knicks players?  Not exactly.  The Nova Knicks are not just from Philly, but we only have ourselves to blame for not having Mikal Bridges, literally the perpetual perfect complement piece.  Thankfully they traded for KAT, who despite being an Eagles fan, is pretty unlikable for his mopey attitude and history with Embiid.  They did beat us in the playoffs last year, but it was a good series and they played better than us.  They also got beat the next round like we usually do.  I hate us for losing, not them for winning.  They also haven’t had much success over the years.
5. Miami Heat – It’s Heat Culture, it’s Jimmy Butler, it’s Riley, it’s Lebron, it’s literal fair weather fandom, it’s everything about them.  As much as this team benefits from being a destination as a city and having so many quality of life advantages, the worst thing is that they are a good organization.  They don’t tolerate bullshit, they play hard, and they work smart.  They have every advantage and still do all the little things.  So we hate the fans because they don’t get what fandom really is and we hate the team for being such try hard a-holes.  This one wasn’t hard.

*It’s like that TMNT game that was fun when we were kids but no one could ever get past the underwater bombs. Eventually you just stopped playing.