Philly Front Office

Here at Philly Front Office, we strive to bring you a fair and balanced look around the Philly sports business scene.  Part of that balance is knowing exactly who are the worst and why you should hate them.  This is not hate for hate’s sake mind you.  Sometimes two “the worst” teams play each other.  What are you supposed to do in that situation? We’ve got you.  These rankings take into account both smoldering aged bitterness as well as more recent spewing volcanic hate. 

These rankings will be updated periodically. 

Watch List:  Detroit Lions. They seem like the cute, feel good story now, but if we meet them in the NFC Championship Game, watch out. The league is ready to crown them the heroes, but heroes need villains. Make no mistake, we are the villains. You can hear it in every broadcast and see it with every non thrown or picked up flag. Expect them to move up to the top real soon.

5. Minnesota Vikings – It’s a little because of Justin Jefferson and it’s a little because of them being good with Sam Darnold and it’s a little because they have a know-it-all coach…but its really because they were cry babies after the NFC Championship game in 2017.  Claiming you weren’t going to rent to Philly fans for the Super Bowl and wouldn’t drive them to the stadium, GTFOH.  You got your doors blown off.  Live with it.

4.  New York Giants – Old reliable.  It’s never hard to hate a NY team, especially the ones in NJ.  They will probably never leave the top 5, even though they are a truly awful and non-competitive organization top to bottom.  They have not made a good decision in a decade.  So why are the hate flames still burning aside from location?  Because they won 2 complete bullshit Super Bowls in the last 20 years and that lives with us.  They fell ass backwards into TWO RINGS while we grinded in contention for years with nothing to show for it.  At least we know that as long as Mara is the owner they aren’t cleaning up their mess.

3. Dallas Cowboys – Always fuck the Cowboys.  It hardly needs explaining.  They are shoved down America’s throats regardless of record and they are the most pompous fans in the world.  They only fall to 3 because they are in disarray. One of my favorite subplots of the last 2 summers was their leverage-less game of chicken against Dak and Ceedee guaranteeing they would pay top dollar. Can’t wait to do it again with Parsons. Stay in charge Jerry, we all appreciate it.

2.  Kansas City Chiefs – Any good tidings for Andy were extinguished in 2022.  The league loves them and they catch every break, no matter how fabricated and against the rules (when an official blows a play dead, the play is dead even if it was a bad call. That fumble on Friday was the most blatant game manipulation you will see in sports). They are also very good.  They make me feel like Jesse Pinkman at the end of Breaking Bad.  I was still happy they contributed to the collapse of SF though.

1.  San Francisco 49ers – We pour out our shittiest booze for the death of these a-holes. They will stay #1 until the regular season ends and they go home to cry about their bad luck again. From there we can focus on more relevant hatreds like KC and Detroit. From the post NFC championship crying to them basically stealing our souls last year, we desperately needed them to fall flat on their dicks this year and they have.  I never want to see a person on this team happy.  Ever. I hate every individual associated with this organization from the bottom of my heart and winning a ring before them would feel extraordinarily good.