Philly Front Office

Black Monday is always a fun day in the NFL. Well, it won’t be very fun for all the coaches and GMs who either get canned or are the subject of tepid press-releases-of-confidence that are negated simply by being written. It also won’t be fun for the players getting replaced in the first official mock drafts now that the non-playoff draft order is set. It also isn’t fun for the Miami Dolphins. So, I guess I mean it is specifically fun for me. Yay!

Black Monday Part 1: No Confidence

Black Monday Part 3: Over the Tyreek Hill

Are you someone who doesn’t waste their time doing hundreds of mock drafts each winter? What’s that like? How do you live?

Not me. Despite barely watching college football I am going to become completely infatuated by certain prospects, living and dying with their selections come draft day. I am not ready for that yet though. For this first toe dipping into the draft pool, we are going to discuss team needs and see how teams try to fool themselves and others over the next few months.

1. Tennessee Titans: Will Levis will always be associated with putting mayonnaise in his coffee. This would be a fun side note for Titans fans if he were any good. Instead, the rest of us get to use it as an obvious character flaw and tell-tale sign of his obvious bust status. They cannot over think this. Unless someone offers them the farm, they should find Levis’s replacement. Preferably someone without a weird condiment situation.
2. Cleveland Browns: Word this morning is that Deshaun Watson had an injury setback. It’s time to pull the plug. I know they owe him scads of money for the foreseeable future but move on and trade Myles Garrett. Use this year as a gap year and really bottom out. Easy for me to say, but why not do it on purpose instead of accidentally like this year? Either draft a replacement this year or get more assets from the Giants or Raiders and hope for Manning next year (Manning would never learn from his uncle and grandpop and refuse to play for Cleveland though).
3. New York Giants: Just go get the QB. Sanders and Ward are marketable stars and incredibly cool. Stop messing around. After they ignore that advice, they will mess around and draft Travis Hunter or ruin another offensive lineman.
4. New England Patriots: Hunter seems ideal here. They are in a good spot in that they can draft best available because they do not need a QB, but would have been in an even better spot at #1 because they don’t need a QB. Thoughts and prayers.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars: They need everything but a wide receiver. Expect them to take the top WR on the board. They will absolutely not take an offensive lineman.
6. Las Vegas Raiders: JESUS GOD GO GET A QB!!! They almost can’t though. Trading up would deplete them too much. Do they trade down to get the next guy and hope the Jets don’t beat them to it? This is a sad team in a sad position. Please, just don’t draft Jeanty (they will).
7. New York Jets: Aaron Rodgers won the one game he wasn’t supposed to in a Jets uniform. Got to love it. They need a QB too but will probably try to go back to the Sam Darnold well instead because they think they are contenders. This team.
8. Carolina Panthers: Were they kind of frisky this season? They need help everywhere, but maybe QB isn’t it? You can’t go wrong with defensive line, but they really could use a top flight receiver.
9. New Orleans Saints: Another bumbling organization that could use a reset. Ever since they traded with the Eagles a few years ago to draft an a-hole lineman they have been lost. They are still looking for an offensive lineman but could use almost everything at this point. They have been in cap hell for years and have no elite players left.
10. Chicago Bears: What happened? Teams with young QBs don’t need wide receivers, they need protection. Good teams know this, bad teams do not. Expect them to draft something dumb like a tight end or safety instead of linemen. I can see them drafting a RB because that’s the kind of team they are.
11. San Francisco 49ers: I hate them, but they are not dumb. They will draft a lineman here, which ever one is sitting there for the Bears that they ultimately pass on. It doesn’t matter which side of the ball, but you know they can’t exactly like the vice Trent Williams keeps them in.
12. Dallas Cowboys: Jerry sucks as a GM but he drafts pretty well. They could use more offensive linemen, but I bet he thinks he’s pulling a smart move when he ultimately drafts another EDGE rusher. He thinks this will scare Parsons into taking a lesser deal. It won’t.
13. Miami Dolphins: They will absolutely draft a wide receiver to replace Tyreek Hill even though they need help on the offensive line. The Dolphins only make flashy moves.
14. Indianapolis Colts: It will probably be something weird like a linebacker. I can’t get past them keeping everyone from this milk toast team.
15. Atlanta Falcons: Teams do not get dumber than what they did last year. They paid a ton of money to a free agent QB only to draft a QB also. Bonkers. This was after drafting a running back and a tight end previously. I say they run it back and draft another QB!
16. Arizona Cardinals: They have a defensive head coach who needs defenders. Just draft defensive linemen, it isn’t crazy. Gannon might be a scumbag, but he knows what he had in Philly.
17. Cincinatti Bengals: Bunch of absolute dumbasses in Cincy. They need to draft defenders and offensive linemen but are definitely going back to the receiver well after they botched Tee Higgins. They will never learn from their mistakes because the same guy has been making those mistakes for 25 years.
18. Seattle Seahawks: Something is always just missing for them, right? Is it just that everyone is a shade not as good as you want them to be? Maybe they go back to their roots with defense, but offensive line is the place you go when you can’t replace everyone, or you need that extra something to make everyone a little better.

As teams get eliminated and/or trades are made, I will supplement.