Philly Front Office

Yes, the Sixers have their home opener after a this-never-happens-to-us comeback win over our arch enemy Boston Celtics with the best debut for a rookie in 60 years and Tyrese Maxey ascending to another level…but when you have a truly bad idea you are excited about, you just have to go with it…

Saturday, October 25th, 2025 at 7:30p – Charlotte Hornets at Sixers

XFinity Mobile Arena in Philadelphia, PA

If you were a Charlotte Hornets AND Nicolas Cage fan in the mid 90s you experienced the incredible lows of 3 miserable trades in just the few months between November 1995 and July 1996. A budding dynasty was gutted before it even truly started and eventually led to the team being moved. Of course, just as those brutal trades were wrapping up, an equal but completely opposite renaissance was being helmed by the greatest actor of our time, Nicolas Cage. His 3-movie run from June 1996 to June 1997 brought cinematic joy to the world. But was it enough for our Charlotte fan to forget his sorrow? You decide.

The Hornets Ruin a Dynasty

Was anything cooler in the mid 90s than an aqua blue and purple starter jacket? You know, the one with the hornet on the front pouch? The answer is no. Grandmama Larry Johnson, Alonzo Mourning, and Muggsy Bogues were quickly becoming the face of a new generation of basketball fans. Michael Jordan’s retirement rocked the league, but the NBA was able to keep it’s footing thanks to an expansion team in college basketball country.  Then the Hornets and their lousy owner George Shinn fucked it all up.

On November 3, 1995 the season started and Charlotte traded Mourning to the Miami Heat for Glen Rice, Matt Geiger, and Khalid Reeves. The former #2 overall pick had only played 3 seasons in the league and averaged 21 points, 10 rebounds, and 3 blocks per game in each of them. Glen Rice was no slouch as a scorer, but he wasn’t the future DPOY and consistent 2-way threat that Mourning had been from Day 1. The reasoning was, as always, money. This was a time before max contracts in the NBA and Mourning wanted $13m per season. The Hornets offered him $10m. Despite leading the league in attendance, they couldn’t bridge the gap and the 25-year-old center was traded to Miami forever.¹

A year before Mourning, the Hornets had selected Larry Johnson out of UNLV #1 overall. He became a fan and cultural favorite almost immediately and won ROY by averaging 20/11. The Hornets quickly signed him to a long term deal of 12/$84m. He started the All-Star game, won a Gold Medal at the Olympics, and starred in every commercial. Then, after a 41-41 season, on July 14, 1996 the Hornets traded him to the Knicks for Anthony Mason and Brad Lohaus.

This trade was especially bad because of what happened at the draft the previous month. Charlotte was selecting 13th overall. The day before the draft the Hornets traded the pick to the Lakers for Vlade Divac. Without hindsight, this isn’t the worst move in the world. They were getting a starting center to finally replace Mourning for a mid-round draft pick. Maybe if the board falls one way, the Lakers don’t want to make the move; the other way and maybe the Hornets don’t want to trade it. They didn’t want to risk it. What a mistake. NBA rules prohibit draft trades from becoming official until after the draft, so teams still have to make selections even if that player will never suit up for the team. That’s extra bad when you see pictures of Kobe Bryant wearing a Charlotte Hornets hat.

They went from possibly Johnson, Mourning, and Kobe Bryant to Glen Rice and Vlade Divac in just a few months.

Nicolas Cage Saves the World from Chemical Weapons, Felons, and Himself

I’m not going to get into the personal affairs of our Charlotte Hornets fan at the time, but for some reason he couldn’t get to the movies on opening night, June 7, 1996. Maybe it was because he was lost and at the end of his rope, but shortly after the Johnson trade he stumbled upon his local cineplex and saw that The Rock was still in theaters. How could he have been such a fool to wait over a month to see this movie?

Nicolas Cage plays FBI Agent and chemical weapons superfreak Stanley Goodspeed. 10-star general Frank Hummel (Ed Harris) has rounded up a band of mercenaries, stolen some VX Gas rockets, and taken hostages on Alcatraz intent on writing the wrongs of the US Government disavowing the knowledge of fallen special ops soldiers. The only way to get onto the island was to enlist the help of the only man to ever escape… (not) James fucking Bond Sean Connery (but going under the pseudonym John Mason)! Mason has been in prison for decades after allegedly stealing secrets from the US Government. Following a quick hair cut, shower, and jaunt through the San Franciscan waterfront, everyone suits up to break into The Rock. After the whole incursion team is wiped out, that leaves only Mason and Goodspeed to neutralize the gas, destroy their guidance chips, and takedown General Hummel before he kills everyone in San Francisco or the US Government and dastardly FBI Director Womack uses experimental thermite plasma strikes to neutralize the VX gas and kill all the hostages in the process. Hummel, ever the patriot, has second thoughts about becoming an actual terrorist monster but he’s overthrown by the Candyman and his other mercenaries. Luckily, Goodspeed is a winner because his pregnant fiancé Carla was the prom queen. He and Mason team up, save the day, save the hostages through strategic green smoke, and “vaporize” Mason’s remains before the ungrateful Womack can put him back in a cell for the rest of his life! In the meantime, Goodspeed and his now wife find Mason’s top secret files and steal them from the front pew of a church in Fort Walton, Kansas.²

Well, that made our friend feel a little better, enough to go on, but little did he know that Cage was planning a double threat for Summer ’97 that would change everything: Con-Air and Face/Off. Our Charlotte guy decided to go SAME DAY!

Con-Air debuted first with Cage’s just discharged Army Ranger Cameron Poe sent to prison for defending the honor of his pregnant wife from a drunken bar patron. After 8 years in prison, he’s finally going home… on CON AIR! The prison transport plane is moving some of the most vile criminals the world has ever known including Billy Bedlam, Diamond Dog Jones, Dave Chapelle, Danny Trejo, and of course the leader, Cyrus the Virus. After setting fire to an inmate, Cyrus takes control and navigates to another prisoner transfer to pick up his pilot Swamp Thing, a cartel leader, and the most deranged killer of them all, Steve Buscemi. Eventually Poe is found out and he kills Billy Bedlam over a stuffed bunny that desperately needs to go back in its box. Everything eventually goes haywire, the plane lands on the Las Vegas strip, and Poe kills the escaping bad guys in a tunnel riding a fire truck. John Cusack is also in this movie but isn’t a con or in the air (except for the ’67 Corvette he steals from the Irish Star Trek guy), so no one cares.

How do you top the incredible something accent of Cage in Con-Air? By having Nic play both super criminal terrorist Castor Troy and FBI Special Agent Sean Archer with John Travolta doing the same. How in the world is this possible? I’m glad you asked. Troy and Archer are arch(er)-nemeses because Troy accidentally killed Archer’s son with a bullet marked for the father. Why did he have to take that so personal? 6 years later Troy parks a bomb somewhere in LA then falls into an Archer induced coma. Only Castor’s brother Pollux (why isn’t there Greek mythology in action movies anymore?) knows the bomb’s location, but he ain’t telling. What if, now try to stay with me here, Archer took off his own face and surgically put on Castor’s face to trick brother Pollux into revealing the location? Thankfully that kind of technology exists along with portable voice box and exact body hair trimming tech. It’s all very hush hush though, not even Archer’s family can know.

Well wouldn’t you know it, in the middle of this whole plan Castor wakes up and needs a face. Luckily, he just happens to have Archer’s old face right there! He calls the doctor and his crew, takes Archer’s face (along with voice box and manscaping tech) and gets the jump on Good Troy in prison. Did I mention he also killed everyone who knew about the surgery? So now it’s Bad Archer taking the credit for finding the bomb and Good Troy rotting in jail.

Good Troy breaks out of prison, joins up with the real Troy’s gang, does some drugs, then survives a Bad Archer led FBI ambush of the hideout which is somewhere over the rainbow. The FBI Director (who really should have been Womack) gives Bad Archer shit and gets himself killed. Good Troy plans an ambush at the funeral, there’s a gunfight, a speedboat chase, flying white doves, and a sand plant which finally dislodges Good Troy’s voicebox so he can convince his daughter that he’s really her father. I forgot to mention that Bad Archer bangs Good Troy’s wife and Good Troy vows to raise Bad Archer’s son with Gina Gershon.

So Charlotte Hornets Nic Cage fan from 1997, what would you rather have: Larry Johnson, Alonzo Mourning, and Kobe Bryant – OR – The Rock, Con-Air, and Face/Off? What a predicament!

1. He still works in the Heat front office and I see him at the grocery store every once in awhile. ↩︎
2. For years it was my dream to find this church and recreate the final scene with my wife. It took a long time to track down the actual church which happened to be in Ventura, California. Unfortunately, when I called the Ventura tourism bureau or something like that they gave me the bad news that during my search, the church had burned down. Vandals! ↩︎