Philly Front Office

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Remember when Ray Finkel kidnapped Dan Marino and Snowflake the Dolphin right before the Super Bowl? Well, let’s just say Miami pro football was in much better shape during that movie plot than they are now. In fact, it would be hard to write a movie script more dire. They are absolutely screwed and there’s no Pet Detective coming to help them this time.¹

Positives

Before we get to the doom and gloom, is there anything worth keeping on this team? Well, maybe the owner. Sure, he’s a shitty person, has made some terrible hiring decisions, and may or may not have screwed over Brian Flores for his refusal to deliberately tank games…but he does spend money. For that, and that alone, he counts as an asset for this team. Eating a bunch of money on bad investments isn’t really going to affect him one way or another.

Thanks to a few trades, the team owns two extra 3rd round picks in 2026 and an extra 5th rounder in 2027. Extra picks are always good.

There are a couple productive players on the team that are under contract past this season, but not many:

• Jaylen Waddle – WR: His 3/$85m extension does not kick in until next season. Due to the contract structure, his deal is tradeable if they wanted to move him and get a 1st round pick.
• Devon Achane – RB: The former 3rd round pick is an every-down back that probably doesn’t get used enough in Miami’s offense as a runner. He is up for an extension this offseason.
• Aaron Brewer – C: Brewer came in as a free agent from Tennessee before last season, signing a 3/$21m deal. PFF ranks him as one of the best centers in football which is a bargain for his $4m price tag this season. He will count as $9m against the cap next season.
• Minkah Fitzpatrick – S: The former Dolphin came back in the trade that sent Jalen Ramsey to the Steelers. Despite seemingly being in the league forever, he is only 29 and still at the top of his game. Due to a restructure this season, he would cost around $13m to release or trade, or $19m next season to just keep.

That’s it. All of their latest draft picks look pretty bad including Kenneth Grant, Chop Robinson, and Cam Smith is already gone.

Negatives

Strap in, there’s a lot.

Chris Grier – GM: Grier has been the GM since 2016. In that time his roster has produced a 76-79 record with ZERO playoff wins. It’s worse than that though. His penchant for showy moves often leaves the team without any depth or strength in the trenches. They did get 2 All-Pro years out of Tyreek Hill though! That plus one each for CB Xavien Howard, kicker Jason Sanders, and S Minkah Fitzpatrick is it for the All Pro Teams.

• Draft – By far his Achillies heal has been the inability to draft. He started out great, jumping on a sliding Laremy Tunsil and nabbing Howard. From there though, other than Fitzpatrick and Waddle it has been a barren wasteland. Check these first round picks out:
  • 2017 – Charles Harris
  • 2018 – Fitzpatrick
  • 2019 – Christian Wilkins
  • 2020 – Tua Tagovailoa, Austin Jackson, Noah Igbinoghene
  • 2021 – Waddle, Jaelan Phillips – This is the draft he swapped with the Eagles, giving up a future 1st round pick to not get Ja’Marr Chase and missing out on a slew of future All-Pros including Penei Sewell, Patrick Surtain II, Micah Parsons, and Rashawn Slater
  • 2022 – None (Channing Tindall in the 3rd Round, released)
  • 2023 – None (Cam Smith in the 2nd Round, released)
  • 2024 – Chop Robinson (doesn’t start)
  • 2025 – Kenneth Grant (doesn’t start)
• Free Agency – These are just the memorably bad signings. They don’t have any memorably good ones.
  • 2022 – Terron Armstead – 5/$75m – started as pro bowler but was signed at 31, was regularly hurt and ended up retiring 3 years into the deal
  • 2020 – Byron Jones – 5/$82.5m – played 2 years before retiring from injuries
  • 2020 – Erick Flowers – 3/$30m – One of the worst to ever do it was traded the following year
• Trades – I can’t go through all the trades, but the overall theme is getting too cute. In 2022 they splurged on Tyreek Hill and Bradley Chubb over team building around a young QB. In 2021 they could have taken Ja’Marr Chase at #3 overall but traded down and then back up to get Jaylen Waddle instead. They traded Laremy Tunsil for future firsts, but then wasted them on bad selections.

Coaches

Chris Grier’s first act as GM of the Dolphins was to not hire Dan Campbell as coach. Campbell had had the interim top job that season after Joe Philbin had been fired, but Grier immediately gave Campbell the axe and brought in Adam Gase. Gase lasted 3 seasons and alienated everyone before getting canned. He then made a good hire in Brian Flores who led the team to a winning record but allegedly refused to tank games in his 3rd season, finished over .500, was fired, and is now suing the team.

Then it was Mike McDaniel’s turn. After 1 season as Offensive Coordinator in SF running Kyle Shanahan’s offense, the Dolphins had seen enough and hired their guy. Sure he put up 70 points in a game once, but in 4 years, the Dolphins have seemingly failed to come away with any good wins. Things came to a head at the end of the 2024 season when the Dolphins were eliminated from the playoffs during their final game of the season and Tyreek Hill refused to reenter the game. Whether it was Grier or McDaniel’s decision, nothing ever happened to Hill who was brought back to the team the next year. The team is now in total free fall.

Players

You can read all of the above and get a good idea on why this team is losing, but I’m here to show you just how bad their books are. It all starts with the QB, but it stays bad from there.

Tua Tagovailoa – The man who famously took Jalen Hurts’ job at Alabama is in jeopardy of losing his own with the Dolphins. The only thing keeping him under center at this point is that he is just paid way too damn much. How much? Tua signed a 4/$212m extension before the 2024 season that only kicked in before this season. They gave this to him despite never winning big games and having very serious and well documented concussion problems. This season he is criticizing teammates in the media, getting called out himself, and claiming he is too short to actually see over the line of scrimmage. If some how they traded him before the deadline, it would still cost them $45m in dead cap next season. Since no one wants him, they will have to take his $56m cap hit into next season. Lovely! Oh, and they can’t cut him, that would accelerate $100m to the top of the cap sheet. They are stuck with him. The best they can do is cut/trade him after next season and still eat $35m.

Tyreek Hill – I wrote about the Dolphins options with Hill for the Miami New Times after he got hurt. They aren’t good. If they keep him, it’s a $50m cap hit. If they extend him, it lowers the cap hit but keeps him on a dying roster. They could release him, but that’s $28m in cap problems. He probably has no trade value right now considering he is 32 and coming off a devastating knee injury

Bradley Chubb – The Dolphins gave Chubb a 5/$110m contract after giving up a 1st round pick to get him. He missed all of last year with injury but has played himself into some trade value this year. If they are able to trade him, he will still cost them $23m in dead money next year. If they keep him? $31m.

Zach Sieler – The Dolphins gave the DT a 3/$64m extension in the offseason. He’s 30 and stinks. The extension doesn’t even kick in until after next season. Cutting him in the offseason would cost $35m.

The Rest – Almost everyone on the Dolphins is either overpaid or simply bad. Because of this, one of the worst teams in the league is already over next year’s cap with $310m committed. They can get out of this, but it is going to hurt.

If I Was Hired Tomorrow

What do you get the team that has nothing? A hatchet. This team needs to start lopping off bad contracts and bad advisors.

• Chris Grier, we will ship you your things.
• Mike McDaniel, you are coaching for your job and you are doing it with Quinn Ewers at QB. Win or lose, doesn’t matter…but you better lose.
• Bradley Chubb, Jaelan Phillips, Minkah Fitzpatrick, Devon Achane…traded to the highest bidder
• Jaylen Waddle, if we get two high picks for you, goodbye now. If not, I’ll do my best to get you to a place like Cleveland that has no chance of ever getting a draft pick too high to make it not worth my while.
• Tyreek Hill, cut. Probably a June 1 designation.
• Tua grab a clipboard. The best you can do is fight for the starting position next year if I can’t trade you in the offseason.
• Under no circumstances should this team try to win next season either.
• Since the plan is to be even worse next year, there is no need to definitely get a QB. If a game wrecker defensive lineman is there, I’ll take him. I’m fine with a left tackle of the future too. In fact, damn near all my early picks next year will be along the lines.
• If we can trade down for more picks, I’ll take them.
• QB the year after.

This team needs to start completely over. There is no future, no upside, no hope with Chris Grier running things and Tua under center.

1. Ace up their sleeve? I’m sorry you paid for this. ↩︎