Philly Front Office

One of the best parts of Major League Baseball is its constant presence from April to October. Whether you watch every day or not, it is a comfort just knowing it’s there, usually around 7p. Of course, over a long season and seasons past, this dependability means that you see certain things over and over again. Some of these things, like hearing Kyle Schwarber’s walk-up Cult of Personality, make you feel good inside. Others, like seeing Topper hit Rafael Marchan against righties despite JT Realmuto’s reverse splits, drive us mad. This is especially true of other teams, like literally everything the 2024 Mets did. It’s time to rank this year’s annoyances in hopes they have been remedied. But first…

NL East Preview ’26: Washington Nationals

In Memorium

Let’s take a moment to remember those past annoyances that we’ve lost this offseason and make sure we take a picture in front of their graves.

• Nick Castellanos swinging on a first pitch slider that was never even close to the strike zone. Nick Castellanos was a polarizing figure in his time in Philly, but I don’t think anyone was a fan of his approach at the plate which was essentially guess and swing. The slider was his arch nemesis. There was an old internet joke used with Ryan Howard that fit Castellanos like a glove: Pitcher casts slider, Nick Castellanos is confused, Nick Castellanos hurts self.
• Brandon Nimmo sprinting to 1st Base on a walk. There is literally nothing in sports more annoying. I know that hardo a-hole was doing it to be annoying like a wrestling heel, but goddamn I couldn’t help but get mad at it. Thankfully, he took his talents to the Texas Rangers and we go from seeing him 12 times per year down to only 3 and they are thankfully out of the way before we even get to April this year.
• Pete Alonso’s face. I am VERY interested in seeing if my hatred for that cornball was more because of his little-boy-fake-tryhard attitude or due to the color of his jersey. Orange and Black is much more appetizing than Orange and Blue

Remembering the Phillies Relievers of the Unmemorable 2010s

Top 5 Annoyances for 2026

• JT Realmuto pursing his lips together and giving a slight shake of the head after striking out. What annoys me most about this move is that he does it for both a bad strike 3 call and a swing and miss. You cannot have the same reaction for both your own loss of skill and getting seemingly screwed over. The good news here is that JT will have more authority than anyone to challenge strike calls this season, so it will probably be limited to being mad at himself.
• Bryce Harper trying to stretch a clear single into a double. In case you find yourself blindsided by this, know the situation: 1. The Phillies will not only be losing, but dying for a hit of any kind, 2. Harper will have been struggling at the plate and pressing, 3. the outfield will be playing deep and the hit will be a slow liner that would be to the right field gap if it was hit harder. At that moment, you should expect the ball to be thrown in faster than usual because no one was sleeping on it and Harper will be out at 2nd by a mile. Dude, stop doing it!!! Just take the hit and let’s move to the next guy!¹
• Juan Soto theatrically following a pitch in and then shaking his head positively or negatively depending on the call as he steps one foot out of the box several times per at bat. This is the baseball equivalent to the expert club. If “well, actually” were a batting stance, it would be Juan Soto. Every time he does this move it’s incredibly hard for me to not audibly mutter “asshole.” As a note, I must point out that whether he is correct or not in his head shaking evaluation is completely immaterial.
• Aaron Nola vs the Rav 4th Inning. It feels like the Joker dangling upside down telling Batman they are destined to do this forever. To be fair to sponsorship, it isn’t always the 4th inning, but at some point during every Aaron Nola start a meltdown will be triggered. Someone will get a walk or a bloop single and all of a sudden there is a barrage of extra base hits. The only hope is that enough batters screw up or get unlucky for him to make it out without too much damage. The next inning, he will act like nothing happened.
• Topper letting a pitcher go into the next inning then pulling them after giving up a base runner then putting Orion Kerkering in with runners on. With 2 on and 2 out in the 11th inning of the final game of the season, Topper pulled Jesus Luzardo and put in Orion Kerkering. A walk and an errant throw later, the season was over. Topper fell victim to one of the classic blunders. By the end of last season, literally every Phillies fan alive knew that you never get into a land war in Asia and never put in Orion Kerkering with runners on base when the game is on the line! Especially with how last season ended, Topper, we are begging you, just let the kid start the inning. Use anyone else with runners on.

I am sure I am missing some and I refrained from making all five slots Alec Bohm related or not hitting with runners in scoring position on purpose in order to show some kind of optimism for his season. If you have any suggestions, especially if they are hyper specific, please let me know in the comments. I will be updating throughout the season.

Photo Credit: Chris Arjoon/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

1. I wish I knew the team’s record when he does this. It has to be like 0-12. ↩︎