To quote Shang Tsung from the original Mortal Kombat movie, “IT HAS BEGUN!” The NFL regular season is finally here to take us on a non-stop anxiety ride for the next 18 weeks before things ratchet even higher for the playoffs (just 4 months away!). Each and every week something crazy will happen, someone will have a season altering injury, and there will be a performance that has us changing our minds about everything. All we can is root against everyone else and cheer for the Eagles. Here’s your reason to care about every game in Week 1.
Opening Wednesday
- New England Patriots at Seattle Seahawks
- Football is here and while normally we would be looking for the defending champs to lose, especially since they come from the AFC, this is a pure hatred kind of game. AJ Brown can pretend to be happy as anything with Drake Maye but I’m very bitter. Granted, it would be better for the Pats to be good this season and bad next year, but my vitriol-soaked brain can’t think straight. Fuck Boston and A.J. Brown.1
- While Boston losing is always nice, the Patriots winning is technically the best outcome for the Eagles. We actually want them to be good this year so they have a harder schedule next year. Plus, a Seahawks loss is better for the chase for the best record in the NFC. Root for whoever you want here, you can’t go wrong.
Semi-Opening G’Day Thursday
- San Francisco 49ers at Los Angeles Rams in Australia
- This pains me. Yes, we are rooting for the 49ers. I know, I know, we hate them. They even came in at #4 on my list of most hated for the 2026 season, but the Rams are the arch enemy this season. We need them to lose, we need them to be exposed, and we need them to get punched in the mouth. Do I think an injury ravaged and talent deficient 49ers team can do that? Not really. The hope is that Shanahan has been preparing for the Rams new defense for weeks and has some ideas of how to attack them. At the very least, we need him to expose some weaknesses before the Week 4 showdown with the Birds.
- The 49ers have been decimated by injuries already. Alfred Collins tore his patella tendon in practice; Mykel Williams, Ricky Pearsall, and Christian Kirk were already out; George Kittle and Nick Bosa are still on their way back from injuries; and Mike Evans missed time this summer with various ailments. Half the starting defense is listed as Questionable too. For the Rams, Aaron Donald will not be playing in Week 1, but everyone else is a go.
1pm Games
- New Orleans Saints at Detroit Lions
- Does everyone else have a soft spot in their hearts for the Saints because of Kellen Moore? I HATED them when Sean Payton was there but now they are delightful underdogs who overachieved last season and could look to be this year’s upstart underdog like last year’s Panthers.
- I don’t personally hate the Lions and I feel bad for their fanbase, but I can’t stand the Dan Campbell narrative. He gets credit for being a great coach despite not bringing any expertise to the table other than being likable. Why is this bothersome? Because Nick Sirianni gets killed for not bringing any expertise to the table and only being likeable (by his players, the rest of the NFL ecosystem seems to hate him). Sirianni has had WAY more success than Campbell and it’s not close despite both teams having stacked rosters. This is all you need to know about the subjectivity of NFL discourse.
- New York Jets and Tennessee Titans (TANK OF THE WEEK)
- The Titans are next week’s Eagles opponent, so this is an advanced scouting situation. Watch Cam Ward. H had a rough rookie season but he was also in a disastrous situation. He will be throwing to rookie Carnell Tate who didn’t exactly light up preseason, but once the lights are on we should have an idea of what we will be dealing with from these two.
- The Jets were one of the worst teams I’ve ever seen last year and managed nary a single interception. Both sides of the ball were terrible and they aren’t exactly better this season. It will be interesting to see if they start off with a potential win against the Titans or just run the table from the bottom all year.
- Baltimore Ravens at Indianapolis Colts
- It would be VERY funny if the Ravens were much better this season by just removing John Harbaugh from the equation. I don’t hate the guy or anything but it would be very Giants if their new hire was considered a lead weight on a perennial league MVP.
- The Eagles don’t play the Ravens this season, but we do play the Danny Dimes led Colts in Week 14. I simply do not believe that Jones is good. There is something in my brain that refuses to acknowledge that the Colts started last year hot and only missed the playoffs because he was injured. Again, this would be a funny Giants thing if he was actually good, but I can’t do it.
- Atlanta Falcons at Pittsburgh Steelers
- Tua!!! The Falcons have a solid roster but a total mess at QB. This should make for a disaster of a season. They will be in close games all year and routinely find ways not to win.
- I do not like Aaron Rodgers and would like his last season and his reunion with Mike McCarthy to go so laughably bad that the Steelers just blow up this whole failed experiment as soon as possible. I don’t care for the Steelers, but them being in disarray isn’t fun either.
- Chicago Bears at Carolina Panthers
- The Bears are our enemy. CJGJ was right to laugh at the Eagles last year but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed it. That Black Friday game was an embarrassment and any time I can get a chance to laugh a Chicago this season, I will take it!
- The Panthers had no business making the playoffs last year, but kept picking off teams that looked past them. No, I do not think they are legit, but beating the Bears would put them on track to pick up where they left off last year. No ill will toward Jaelan Phillips for leaving.
- Cleveland Browns at Jacksonville Jaguars
- Cleveland, yikes! A terrible owner and a terrible QB masks that this team is actually building something decent. Losing Myles Garrett stinks, but getting Jared Verse and draft picks isn’t half bad itself. They’ve drafted well the last two seasons but really just need to finally pull the plug on the Watson disaster.
- Jacksonville looked damn good by the end of last year reeling off 8 straight wins to end the regular season. Granted they were almost all against bad teams except overachieving Denver but still, it looked good. They did that without getting anything from Brian Thomas too. If anyone on the offense steps up this year besides Parker Washington, they could really make noise. Of course, this is Jacksonville we are talking about so they could also turn right back into pumpkins.
- Buffalo Bills at Houston Texans
- Eagles fans have been moved to hate the Bills. We don’t want to hate the Bills. There’s no rivalry between the Bills and the Eagles. Yet, the more double standard and hypocrisy that gets pandered by the media when speaking about these two teams and especially their QBs leads us to hate the Bills. One is spoken about like The Little Engine That Could while the other can’t be talked about without being preceded by a condescending “well, actually…” It’s nauseating.
- The Texans have one of the most loaded top to bottom defenses I’ve ever seen. Goddamnit CJ Stroud, get your act together and get to the goddamn Super Bowl!!!
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Cincinnati Bengals
- Tampa went the whole summer alienating their QB and best defensive player only to cave and give them big contract extensions anyway. Seems like a great plan! They do have rookie Rueben Bain though and I can’t wait to see him run roughshod over the Bengals.
- For most of us, hating Tampa is a given and considering this is an AFC/NFC matchup, just go for the Bengals even if Boomer Esiason robbed Randall Cunningham of the MVP in 1988.
4pm Games
- Miami Dolphins at Las Vegas Raiders
- Both the Dolphins and the Raiders went out and spent money this offseason. While it was understandable for Las Vegas to rebuild with a rookie QB, what the hell was Miami thinking signing Malik Willis? Their cap situation was terrible and they didn’t help things. This should have been an all out tank year for the Dolphins. I just don’t get it.
- Nakobe Dean is on the Raiders. He’s forever our guy. End of story.
- Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings
- Should we have a new respect for the Packers now that we have Sean Mannion and Dontayvion Wicks? No. They are still the same Packers who get credit for everything and spearheaded the incredibly biased anti-Tush Push push last year. Speaking of which, why is the Tush Push no longer a safety issue? Because the Eagles aren’t as good at it?
- The Vikings are not going to be a player in the NFC this year, but they are certainly going to be annoying. Kyler Murray isn’t good enough to beat all the teams, but he is elusive enough to beat anyone on a given week. It should at least be fun to see what he can do on a better Vikings team than most people realize.
- Arizona Cardinals at Los Angeles Chargers
- The Cardinals are the clubhouse favorite to take the #1 pick this season. They are truly very bad and need a reset. This season could be a total disaster year for them with Jacoby Brissett and Carson Beck under center.
- Justin Herbert is a total fraud and I will shout it from the rooftops any chance I get. Will he throw for 300 yards and 5 TDs in Week 1? Yes, yes he will. By the end of the season though, his MVP hopes will have faded and the Chargers will either miss the playoffs or lose in the first round because like Maryland and crabcakes, THAT’S WHAT HERBERT DOES.
- Washington Commanders at Philadelphia Eagles
- There is a lot of anxiety to this one and it has nothing to do with the Commanders. In a perfect world, the Eagles defense makes Jayden Daniels run for his life all game and wins the game on its own. At the same time, we all want this to be the Jalen Hurts DeVonta Smith show. We just need the game to get here already so we can start eating.
- Washington is doing Daniels no favors. He is without any kind of protection and his WRs are well into the wrong side of 30. Instead of building around him, they are building ahead of him and so far it’s been a waste. They are not a Super Bowl contender despite a place in the NFC Championship Game for Daniels as a rookie. This is their own fault.
Sunday Night Football
- Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants
- Are the Giants competent? That’s the question for this season. This means no stupid penalties, not stupid play calls, and no QBs getting hurt by stupidly trying to extend plays. The Giants have been through a decade of getting in their own way and Harbaugh was brought in to stop that. We’ll know right away if his players are listening.
- The Cowboys can move the ball on offense, but stopping the ball on defense has been the problem. Former friend and now enemy Christian Parker has been brought in to try to help the latter. If the Giants are able to move the ball against them, Dallas is in for a long season.
Monday Night Football
- Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs
- I do not understand why everyone is so ready to crown Bo Nix and the Broncos after last season. Yes, they went 14-3. That’s awesome. None of it was impressive though. They went 11-2 in 1 score games! That is something that does not repeat. Great teams do not have 13 close games. They should have lost to the Eagles. Hell, they should have lost to the Giants. They should have lost to Washington. It was ridiculous. Nix is a total nothing at QB and Denver is more likely to miss the playoffs this year than come anywhere close to repeating 2025. Also, f*** Sean Payton
- The Chiefs look like they are taking a gap year to figure things out. Mahomes is coming off injury, they did not bolster the team any other than adding Kenny Walker and they traded maybe their best defender. Mahomes is a team unto himself, but considering his new contract, he might be in on the plan.
Photo: “Smart Destinations”, GoSeattleCard.com, and Go Seattle Card Blog, CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
- Normally I am for player movement and wish people well after their great service, but he ruined a good thing in Philadelphia and quit on the team last year. ↩︎
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