If you were watching on TV, you are probably thinking the Eagles lost to the Bears because of bad luck, bad decisions, and a whole lot of poor game planning. While that all happened, were you wondering why that all happened? You are all missing a big part of the story. It has so far gone unreported, but in this exclusive behind-the-scenes look, PFO brings you the real reason for the Eagles destruction. That would be the hubris of one JoeyBets.
Each Friday, JoeyBets writes a college football picks article for Philly Front Office where he picks between 6 and 12 games. He also happens to be a lifelong Eagles fan and a member of the PFO inner circle. Each year we go to an Eagles game as a group and paint the town for a weekend. This year the four of us were in Chicago.
JoeyBets doesn’t just pick the games; he plays them all too. Well, after an 8-3 last week, JB was feeling good. With 12 picks on the slate for Saturday, we decided to post up at a good bar amongst the Michigan and Iowa crowd for the early afternoon games. Drinks were flowing, old friends were swapping stories, and things were going good…too good.
Notre Dame hit both the team and combined over early. Florida hit a double with a cover and an over then Utah covered against Iowa State. All the locals in our bar were tuned to the Iowa-Michigan game and went nuts for the Hawkeyes late win over the Wolverines. With another double win looking like a lock with the Miami Hurricanes beating up on Central Michigan, JoeyBets was 9-0 and 17 for his last 20 picks. Already well into the weekend’s revelry, JoeyBets loudly declared himself a gambling GOD! How could anything go wrong?
The wrath of the real gambling and football gods was swift. He missed on his last 3 bets of the night, but JoeyBets didn’t care. He started buying triple rounds and shots. Eventually we left the bar and got home without his work issued cell phone. The following day, things descended into a true living hell.
The morning started early with his already bad back acting up to the point that he could not get out of bed he was in so much pain. The rest of us went looking for his phone while he gingerly attempted to get his life together. However, because of two-factor authentication and a lack of knowledge of his own passwords, he was locked out of both his Apple ID and Google accounts. With no luck finding the phone, he had to go to both the Apple and AT&T stores to try to figure things out. The next several hours were spent limping through the streets of Chicago nursing his back and asking directions (the good friends that we are, we all got pizza and beers without him). Neither store could help him other than selling him a new device. Slowly, his company tech support got him back online but all his personal info was still in the ether. The Gods weren’t done though.
With terrible, inundating weather in the northeast, the rain happened to loosen up some trees including one big one in the JoeyBets homestead front yard. Things were getting hairy as the tree started leaning toward his neighbor’s house. His wife, home with the kids, was having no luck getting someone to handle the rapidly deteriorating situation. Several thousands of dollars later, someone finally took the job and a much more serious crisis was narrowly averted.
JB had almost left the weekend early to handle his life, but with both those situations at least handled, even if not their best, he decided to not up and leave before the Eagles game. Big mistake. By Monday morning, his back was in such bad shape that he was on his phone with his doctor and could barely get out of bed. We had to help him get dressed in the morning. Muscle relaxers and a massage were no help, so we begged him to take this seriously: go to a church, sacrifice a goat, anything! He declined. What a dummy.
By game time, his back was so jacked up that he couldn’t even sit down. It didn’t stop him from wagering on the Eagles though (shakes head knowingly). We all saw what happened. The Birds played one of the worst games you’ll ever see. Nothing went right. Didn’t it seem like some bad juju was at work? How else can you explain what happened with Andy Dalton? We left after the Jalen Hurts pick. Just a total disaster of a night. Well, at least I could get some sleep before my 2:30p flight home.
“YOU NEED TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW!!!” A delirious JoeyBets kicked open my bedroom door at 5:45a. After not sleeping all night, his back was so bad that he could barely move (apparently, he was moaning in agony all night, but I didn’t hear him, slumbering peacefully). He needed me to run to Walgreens to get him crutches.1 He had to catch his flight2 and had no way to move. His destination was now Newark Airport and then straight to the hospital. He likely needs back surgery now. Gambling God indeed.
Chicago is a great city. The food was superb, the people were nice3, and everything is in walking distance for the most part. If you get a chance to go to a game, do it, especially before they ruin everything by moving to Indiana. However, remember the lesson of JoeyBets. No matter how good you are feeling, don’t taunt the football gods before the Eagles play.
- I wasn’t going to argue with him about this ↩︎
- His flight was originally at noon, but in another great decision moved it up to 8:30a ↩︎
- Not Green Bay nice, but who is? ↩︎
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