Philly Front Office

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Jim Irsay passed away Since this was written]

Ever notice that the same bad teams are always picking at the top of the draft…or at least were supposed to before trading away all their picks for nothing? Not a coincidence! There are simply some bad owners out there. For good measure, some of them are bad people too! Many are the failed offspring of once proud family scions riding the wave of nepotism to great profit and a false sense of accomplishment. No two are the same though, even the ones in NJ…I mean NY.

Worst Owners in Football Part 2

What are we looking at here? Though this is mostly subjective, the record over the last ten years, including how many coaches and GMs have come and gone, will be considered. Have you moved your team? That’s a bad thing. Did your dad give you the team? That’s a bad thing too. Any lawsuits against you? You better believe that’s a bad thing. Let’s get to it.

Dishonorable Mention:

• Stephen Ross, Miami Dolphins – He seems more concerned with Miami as a brand than a football team. This will always mean flashy signings with name over substance. They have improved from late Huizenga era embarrassment though.
• Amy Adams Strunk, Tennessee Titans – Daughter of previous owner Bud Adams, she took over a team with the worst record and now sits with the worst record again. There wasn’t much success in between either with an overall record of 75-73. Most notably, she refused to pay AJ Brown. Can’t hate you too much for that Ms. Strunk!
• Michael Bidwell, Arizona Cardinals – The Cardinals have been around for 90 years and do you know how many of those have been under the ownership of a Bidwell? Every single one of them. Outside one Super Bowl appearance, they have been bad to mediocre basically the whole time. Mikey Bidwell only accounts for 5 of those years, but you don’t need a fat prognosticating farm animal to predict a whole lot more of that same mediocrity in the future.
• Gayle Benson, New Orleans Saints – Widowed wife of owner Tom Benson, she isn’t doing a bad job as much as the team is stagnant and sinking. Years of cap mismanagement caused the team to hold on to aging players longer than they should have and there were no succession plans for post-Drew Brees and post-Sean Payton worlds. The team seems ripe for a new everything.

On to the top 10!

10. Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys: If you look at Jerry’s resume, it’s pretty good. Three Super Bowls, good drafts, and 22 wins above .500 over his last ten years. That’s why you do the interview though. His tenure is marred by his total inability to listen to anyone but himself. Jimmy Johnson got him those three Super Bowls and then Jerry ran him out of town. Since then, he has hired nothing but push-over coaches and all of his legitimate kids. He proclaimed himself GM and masterfully guided the team to 5 playoff wins in the last 30 years. That’s great, but what has he screwed up lately? Well, he made the already washed-up Zeke Elliot the highest paid RB in the league. He has twice lost negotiations to Dak Prescott, a QB completely incapable of winning a meaningful game, making him the highest paid player in football. What is Jerry’s key to negotiating success? Waiting way too long! Because he is the only real voice in the room, he yells at the clouds about how players don’t deserve the money they want. He yells and waits and waits and yells, long enough to pay the player even more than they initially wanted. As everyone involved knew from the beginning, he was ALWAYS going to sign them in the end. He did it with Dak, he did it with CeeDee Lamb, it’s currently happening with Micah Parsons, and now he’s even backed into a corner with his head coach because he waited too long. Great work Jerry! Let’s not even get into the videos and lawsuits with this one.

9. Jim Irsay, Indianapolis Colts: Our first nepo-owner on the official list. Jim’s dad owned the Colts starting in 1972 with Jim taking over in 1997. The Colts are just about the most boring team in the league, always hovering around .500 with 2 playoff appearances in the last 10 years. They are never a threat, especially when their Carson Wentz lead 2022 team lost a win-and-in season-ender to the putrid Jags to miss the playoffs. Can you name a Colt? Anthony Richardson doesn’t count considering he can’t play football. He’s probably a pretty cool hang though considering he’s in a band, collects guitars, and makes statements like “I am prejudiced against because I’m a rich, white billionaire.” Maybe if he focused on the team more than opioids, they would be better? In all fairness, he did win a Super Bowl, beating Sexy Rexy Grossman and maybe the easiest Super Bowl opponent of all time almost 20 years ago.

8. Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons: “Terry Fontenot is an idiot and a clown and his team building strategy is like a 4 year old with Legos” was the best comment I received from yesterday’s post. Arthur Blank trusts this guy implicitly. The most interesting thing the team has done since Michael Vick was arrested in 2006 was blow the biggest lead in Super Bowl history. Next on the list is probably inexplicably drafting Michael Penix 44 days after giving Kirk Cousins 4 years and $180m. How can an owner let that happen? If he didn’t, how come no one was fired? That’s the kind of stuff that demoralizes a fan base. Fittingly, his record in 23 years as an owner is 186-185-1. The team is boring and going nowhere. Hey, at least they have Kyle Pitts instead of Jamar Chase, Penai Sewell, Patrick Surtain, and Micah Parsons though.

7. Shahid Khan, Jacksonville Jaguars: Did you know that over the last ten years, absolutely no team in the league was better at losing games than the Jags? At 55-109, the Jags have finished with the worst record twice, have gone through 5 coaches (with a 6th just waiting to be hired and fired), have been to the playoffs only twice, wasted or ruined two #1 picks, and employed Urban Meyer. They are also openly shacking up with their hot side-piece, London, while their wife and family of 30 years waits at home pretending that everything is fine. No one cares about this because it’s Jacksonville. I’m guilty too, the only reason he isn’t ranked #2 on this list is, again, because it’s Jacksonville and not literally anywhere else.

6. Mike Brown, Cincinnati Bengals: If not for Joe Burrow, Brown would be much closer to the top of the list as he might be the worst long-term owner of all time. It took him 14 years to get to the playoffs despite two Super Bowl teams in the final 10 years of his father’s reign (surprise, surprise, nepo-owner). In the 30 years before Burrow basically single handedly took them to the Super Bowl, Brown had ZERO playoff wins. How is that possible? For the last 22 years, the team has listed a guy named Duke Tobin as Director of Player Personnel, but he is never mentioned as anyone of significance. Who is making decisions here? The lack of leadership shows on the field too as they routinely screw up the draft, keep coaches for too long, and have gaping holes on defense and the offensive line. Before Burrow, Carson Palmer literally retired at 31 rather than play for them anymore. They traded him and he lasted 7 more years in the league and making $90m. HE WAS GOING TO THROW AWAY NINETY MILLION DOLLARS RATHER THAN PLAY FOR THE BENGALS!!! They are about 2 years away from history repeating itself once Burrow gets wise to this team’s futility.

This is getting long. Stay tuned for the 5 worst owners in the NFL later today or tomorrow.