Philly Front Office

As Philly fans, we have a long history of hating generally. It started with the English and took off from there. Most of our collective hate these days is focused on our sports. It’s easy to hate teams like the Cowboys, Mets, and Celtics, but let’s try to focus. If we could boil that hatred down to specific athletes, we could really hone our hating skills.

As much as an all-time hate list will be fun, I’ll save that for another time. I want to stick to currently active players and how much we hate them RIGHT NOW. This is not a lifetime achievement award, though they will get special acknowledgment.

Basketball

• Ace Bailey: The newest and youngest member of the list. I didn’t hate Ace when he refused to work out for the Sixers and I didn’t hate Ace when his team made it clear that he wanted to play basically anywhere else. Something happened though as his name was announced as the pick for the Utah Jazz, a switch was hit. Before he was just a kid who was trying to get to a place he thought was the right situation. At that moment though, he was now an enemy in the league. F*** him and every ill-advised long 2 he ever takes.
• James Harden: I don’t hate him for wanting to leave, you don’t hate a rain cloud for being grey. It’s their nature. I hate him for what happened in Game 6 and 7 against the Celtics. Granted, that’s just James being James too, disappearing when his team needs him most, but the way they blew that series is going to haunt me. You could say the same for Embiid then too, but Embiid didn’t bitch his way out of town after the no-show.
• Jayson Tatum – Part of hate is being mad at your own choices/stupidity. The Sixers got played so bad by Danny Ainge and the Celtics before the 2017 NBA Draft. We not only traded up for a broken player, but Boston got exactly who they wanted anyway. He then led one of our most hated rivals to a championship all while being on the cover of video games and one of the faces of the league with a big hateable smile. Meanwhile, Markelle Fultz (deep sigh).
• Honorable Mention – Ben Simmons: Special acknowledgement needs to be given to dormant hatreds that are probably no longer applicable but burned too strong to ignore. Ben Simmons ruined what was supposed to be a great core. He seems to not really like basketball, feels incredibly entitled, and would never do what was best for the team. Can you feel bad for the guy for being mentally flawed and physically broken? Sure. But he was also a dick.

James Harden, Jalen Hurts, and the Importance of Winning

Baseball

• Jesse Winker: When he slammed his helmet down and broke it on home plate in the playoffs, I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more. Not only was it absurd, but I knew they would win and there was nothing I could do about it. I viscerally hate him more than anyone else on the list.
• Brandon Nimmo: I know when wrestling heels are trying to provoke the crowd and I love it. Even with that knowledge, when Brandon Nimmo sprints to first on a walk or around the bases on a home run, I could run onto the field and tackle him I’m so mad. He ALWAYS walks too. Even Cliff Lee would probably walk Nimmo at a terrible time. He is the most punchable athlete in sports today.
• Pete Alonso: The cornball’s cornball thought it was a great idea to get a “playoff pumpkin” last year apparently not realizing what that means in the Cinderella sense. Everything he does is performance art on the field, but not in a showman way. He is the kind of guy who can’t get out of bed in the morning unless everyone around him knows that he is trying to try hard. What a dope.
• Marcell Ozuna: Most of the people on this list aren’t shitty people as far as I know. That’s not true about Ozuna. When police entered his home because of a domestic disturbance he had his hands around his wife’s neck. Throw that in with Braves fans doing the Chop, cheering that a-hole and it makes for a toxic cocktail of bile in my mouth.
• (UPDATE: I wrote this last week preparing for a vacation. I kept it in because it is a good look at my pre-deadline feelings on Bader) Honorable Mention – Harrison Bader: Former Met who made his mark in the annoyance department. When he celebrates a double down 5 like he just walked off the World Series, he is every roided out high school/Juco ball player you’ve ever met; a baseball stereotype from yesteryear of the cromag wearing his cleats out to a bar and spitting on the floor variety, which has its charms but with the Mets it was infuriating. He is an honorable mention unless the Mets re-acquire him.

Most Hated Baseball Players

Hockey

• Cutter Gauthier: No one has ever made themselves into an enemy of a fanbase this quickly. He went from only known and liked in hockey circles to DESPISED by the whole city. 99% of people could not pick him out in a crowd but would consider hitting him with their car if they could. The only thing I can compare it to is the complete opposite of our first two days with Gritty. When the mascot was introduced, we were all instantly embarrassed. However, 24 hours later when mainstream media started making fun, he was instantly our most beloved and defendable icon. Cutter went from being a possible savior to public enemy #1, something pretty tough to accomplish especially for a hockey player.
• Sidney Crosby: The lifetime achievement award for the Hated Chosen One. Has anyone fulfilled their destiny of being hated better than Crosby? It’s like he strapped on hockey skates for the first time with the sole intent of getting the city of Philadelphia to hate him, whether he knew it or not. It must be said that we have been able to exorcise very few demons on this personally, but Claude Giroux became everyone’s hero when he annihilated The Kid within seconds of the opening face off in Game 6 back in 2012.
• Honorable Mention – Patrick Kane and JVR: Is it either’s fault that the lottery gods favored the Blackhawks in 2007 causing #1 overall pick Kane to wear the wrong colors his whole career, JVR to be a poor consolation prize never being able to fill the Kane-sized void, and directly leading to the Blackhawks beating the Flyers in the 2010 Stanley Cup Final? YES!!!

Jerry Jones, Master Negotiator

Football

• Micah Parsons: Parsons grew up an Eagles fan and still loves the Phillies, Sixers, and Flyers. He would probably hate himself too. Who knows, maybe he does. Parsons is the best player on our biggest rival and is just a little organizational competence away from vaulting up this list. Fortunately, that isn’t Jerry Jones’ style. Still, a Cowboy is a Cowboy. None of the rest of teammates seem to be worth hating at the moment. (UPDATE #2: Parsons requested a trade out of Dallas. They probably are not going to trade him, but it’s some good validation. Still, he will likely resign with the Cowboys anyway so I am not taking him off the list yet.)
• Kayvon Thibodeaux: Calling Philadelphia fans stupid is a great way to get yourself on the list. Masterful work. At least we don’t have to pay to watch him play and cheer for him! Now that would be real stupid.
• Deebo Samuel: A few months ago he would have made the honorable mention section, but then he was traded to Washington. This a-hole refused to believe that his team got slapped around in the NFC Championship game, then thankfully lost to the Chiefs the next season in classic fashion. From their Deebo looks out of shape and a team cancer. Keep it up bud!
• Honorable Mention – Justin Herbert: I don’t hate Just Herbert the person, but we all hate Justin Herbert the argument. He is the poster child for claiming that everything we know and love about Jalen Hurts is wrong. Herbert routinely gets put in the Top-5 QB conversation despite never winning anything. He has made the playoffs twice and lost in miserable fashion both times. For some reason (read, having great hair and never opening his mouth) this is more of an accomplishment than being the best player in 2 Super Bowls. He has never done anything.
• One More – Johnny Manziel:

Quarterback Ranking Tiers